OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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