i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
