We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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