i don't like sucking hair
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
