God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
