no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
