So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
