can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
