whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
