okay pat passed out under dana's car
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
