i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
