I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
