Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have demons in me.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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