What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
