There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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