I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
