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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  You mean inside out.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.

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• (716): View more from New York

  i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.

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• (516): View more from New York

  i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome

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• (646): View more from New York

  i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"

  (425): View more from Washington

  She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Hey do you remember me?

  (903): View more from Texas

  You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?

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• (818): View more from California

  I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far

  (818): View more from California

  Her name is susan

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…

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