can we get nightvision for the apartment?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am available for nakedness
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
