I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
