I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
