so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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