my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
