this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize