Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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