hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
