It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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