so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
