We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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