He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
