my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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