There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
