That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
