he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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