what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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