rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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