i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
