i would punch a child for taco bell
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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