even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize