Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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