While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
