3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
