Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
