either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
