He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
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Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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