Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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