Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
