You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
