u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
