I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
