i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize