Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
