PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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