I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
