apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
