Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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