I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
