Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
