I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
