I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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