Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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