apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
