I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
