Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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