i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
