Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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