Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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