my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
