don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
