Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
