Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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