you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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