I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think i have herpe
just one?
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My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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