we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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