Moan for me like Helen Keller
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
