i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
